WINSLOW, ALABAMBA – Jerome Pitney Watson has a problem. Ever since the day his father bought the Atari 2600 for him back in 2nd grade he’s been obsessively attempting to get past the second stage in Pitfall. Mr. Pitney Watson Sr. had this to say “When I gave Jerome that there game thingy, I thought he’d go and make me proud. It’s been 23 years and he inability to progress farther in the game has brought shame to me. Shame to the family. I just reckoned that he’s one day get up and say, “today is the day! I’m gonna whip Pitfall’s ass!” but that day hasn’t come. Now I’m 67, retired, and down at the VA, the other fellas just pity me cuz’ of my son”.
“Down at the VA, the other fellas just pity me cuz’ of my son.”
It’s not that Jerome hasn’t been trying. Initially, he as inspired by his cousin Rachel Moss, who was able to get past the 2nd level within 10 minutes. He assumed that if she could do it, so could he. “I just saw her bashing away on the controller, not really paying too much attention to what she was doing, and I figured, what the hell, if she can do it, so can I. Now I’m beginning to think that she was cheatin’. Rach has always been a cheater. I remember back when we were kids, she would always peek when we was playing hide-and-go-seek, she ain’t got no moral compass.”
After beating the Japs, having 3 bipasses and a bad case of the clap, Mr. Pitney Watson has had enough. “Why can’t he just make me proud like a normal kid? I ain’t much longer for this earth, and I gone done and told Jerome that if he don’t get it together sooner than later, that I’ll….well, I just don’t know what I’ll do. I can’t go to my grave knowing that he own flesh and blood is a failure.”
“The fellas at the factory would always call me ‘Pitfall Harry’, and jostle my hair, I hate it when people jostle my hair.”
- Jerome’s inability to progress further in Pitfall has had dire consequences not only in his personal relationships, but also his professional ones as well. Back in the 90’s when he starting working at the Zweigely Hot Dog and Sausage Factory his coworkers were keen on pointing out his…pitfalls. “The fellas at the factory would always call me ‘Pitfall Harry’, and jostle my hair, I hate it when people jostle my hair. Winslow is a small community, everybody knows everybody’s business, it wasn’t long before people from the neighboring townships heard about my…inability which made it increasingly difficult to socialize and meet chics.”
Mr. Pitney Watson is one of dozens of white privileged Generation X’ers that are afflicted by what the National Health Council refers to as The Godfried-Sullivan Syndrome. Some of the side effects of this debilitating illness include: irregular sleep patterns, eating irregularities, poor personal hygiene, lack of self worth and migraines. There is help out there though. Dr. Dr. Wallace Montgomery III, LICSW as been working with adults, children and adolescents for over 20 years as a psychotherapist specifically battling the issue of video game leveling and more specifically the Godfried-Sullivan Syndrome. “When people come to treatment with problems, it is important to remember that they are trying to cope with them in the best way they can. With that in mind, I offer a reflective and engaging partnership with my clients, working toward the goal of helping them to be authentic and compassionate in a world that can be extremely stressful.”
Do you know someone that may be suffering from Godfried-Sullivan Syndrome? Help is just a phone call away.